And I'm not really sure why I said sorry.....since not many people will ever read this it's like I'm apologizing to myself. I'm not even really sure what I'm going to write about. My mind is in a blur. Sometimes I want to run away from it all and other times I think it's all still worth trying to save. I need to be right in the middle of those two places. It's over. I know it's over. And in all reality I don't want it saved anymore. It wasn't right or true from the beginning and if after everything that happened and all that we have been through it isn't right or true after 10 years and 3 children, it never will be. It never will be. It just wasn't meant to last I guess. It's my kids I really fear for the most. They don't deserve a split home. But they will have to. I will face this with them head on and we will come out stronger and better on the other side. Nothing can stop me, but me. I have to make it work for just a short wile longer. Then I can be free. Then I can have a real space of my own. I can be free of this house and of always being around Robyn. I can free my heart, my soul and my mind. That's what I want. That's what I need. I need this for my well being at this point. Every day here just feels more and more shitty and all I want to do is scream my head off and run as fast as I can and as far as I can.
I'm tired of always being tired, of always feeling worn down, of always having to put on a brave happy face so that no one knows what's going on. This isn't a life that a man can live. This isn't a life that anyone should have to live.
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